Posted in Musing & Stories

Bi Polar Backstory

Emoji Mug
Coffee Lovers Emoji Mug

—- mental health Backstory Diagnosed Bi-Polar 23 years ago. (I’m nearing 50 now) Off and on various medications over the years and one counselor I din’t care for. I lost jobs, projects, and people. Even the manic highs, while productive; were exhausting. Being an introvert does not help. I did manage to have a career and raise a well-adjusted kid, but still, I can look back on 30+ years of marriage and pinpoint the struggles.

I acknowledged 18 months ago-that I couldn’t see my way out of this long, low swing… I was living barely functional. Narrowing tasks to the “have-to’s” at the last minute. About 2 months ago- relatives began to step in. Kept on me until I made very necessary appointments. (And was driven to them. Which was both humbling and a relief.)

Recently–  Saw my first new doctor last month. Rx for a tame psych med. And I’m tellin’ you… it has changed my entire demeanor for the better. Helped me UP and out of a scary, crying, raging place. I had understood the mire. Knew the wrong and blackness of it. The ‘don’t care’ was louder than the ‘give a shit.’  Unmedicated; Trying but spiraling. In the last 18 months, I didn’t think it could happen; But Bad got Worse. To the point I couldn’t keep my granddaughter overnight.

So today... 6 weeks with a new psych med;  I’m “Pleasantly Focused.” Which may sound corny, but I have attention over the course of days for projects that were stagnant. More patience with people and situations; not bone-achingly exhausted. Genuine joy has returned. I can look forward again. My stomach quit hurting. A few show-stopping panic attacks and ‘phobia’ type things linger. I mentioned those at the re-check appointment. She upped the dosage. We’ll see how that goes.

While my writing has come back to me, designing has not. I’ll run with what’s in front of me for now.

Thanks for stopping by today!  If you see something in yourself, mirroring this muse; Acknowledge it. It doesn’t define you. Find a buoy; those people and activities that matter most.  Take help, seek help.  Open that door just a crack. You deserve joy. -Grandma Auburn

This unique hotline is available via text message to anyone experiencing mental health difficulties or an emotional crisis. Highly trained counselors offer support and guidance to calm you down and make sure you are safe

ARTICLE – In-Depth Mental Health Questions Answered- Anxiety, OCD, Depression, Bi-Polar  Learn about symptoms and questions to ask when calling a HELPLINE. Plus more resources and phone numbers.


Writer, blogger, merch designer, nature lover, Grandma

2 thoughts on “Bi Polar Backstory

  1. Thank you for sharing your thoughts… glad that life is much better for you!… life is about facing the challenges put in front of us, and dealing with those challenges, not allowing fear and doubt to rule the day… 🙂

    “No road is too long for him who advances slowly and does not hurry, and no attainment is beyond his reach who equips himself with patience to achieve it.” Jean de La Bruyere


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